My Story - Being Busy

Want to fit more into your life but believe that you need to sacrifice something before you can have success?
You don't have to do that...

Don't have time for all the things you want to do because there are too many things you need to get done?   
You can do it all...

Last weekend, my life was a prime example. I have always resented the comment people would say to me about my life... "you're so busy, I don't know how you do it..."

But I've now come to acknowledge it, respect it, and be thankful that I have found a way to live a life where I love every minute. I'm still learning how to utilise this attitude to help get everything done each day, but I'm getting there!  

In just 60 hours; I have been to 18 locations, connected with 63 people, and completed 27 different activities, each with multiple tasks that I was able to check off my to-do list. I feel more alive than ever and more ready to grow the level of "busy" to a whole new level in the coming weeks. First, I'd love to share my weekend with you.

Starting on Friday morning -

• 6am - Communication with the world - 30mins for Email x4, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn.

• 6:30am - Preparing for client sessions today

• 8am - Exercise... a 10km run from home to Cronulla Point and back

• 9am - Self care and preparing for the weekend ahead, plus a load of washing

• 10am - filmed a "how to" video for my Girl Guide unit on "building a bedroll for under-the-stars sleeping"

• 10:30am - Returning calls/emails from clients and partners

• 1pm - family & children client session, home visit

• 3pm - driving to Taronga Zoo early to miss the traffic

• 4pm - content and marketing material creation sitting in the car overlooking the harbour

• 6pm - arrive at Taronga Zoo ready to look after eight 10-13 year old girls among 1200 other girl guides who collectively raised $25,000 for environment conservation and preservation of the Bilby.

• 7pm - had the girls settled into our patch of grass with the other leaders before doing a media interview promoting Girl Guides to future generations of young women and girls

• 8pm - Phone calls to team members to complete “Feel Good Friday” culture

• Dinner, Disco, Movie, catching up with old friends from other units, Bedrolls, SLEEP by 10:30pm...

Saturday morning,

• 6am - breakfast, doing up bedrolls, entertaining the girls until activities began

• 8am - FREE BEING ME activities to teach young girls they can be proud of their thoughts, opinions and decisions.

• 9:30am - the Zoo opens and "counting to eight" becomes my new favourite activity...we managed to keep eight girls safe and entertained -

  • Promise ceremony for one of our newest members

  • Lemur show

  • Animals

  • Bird show

  • Lunch

  • Cable car ride

  • Seal show

  • Redoing bedrolls before trekking up the hill

• 3pm - Rushing to the top gates to meet the parents who will drive the girls back home. Really, this was more about motivating tired 10 years to carry their bedrolls and backpacks up the 3km steep hill inside the zoo.

• 4pm - Finally got out for a Row in my single scull on Iron Cove. After a few weeks, it was the best feeling to be out on the water, putting my body through a few fast laps.

• 5:30pm - Driving to Gladesville to see a sports client

• 6:15pm - Core activation and postural stability training session, helping 2 athletes to improve their coordination, body awareness and concentration.

• 7:30pm - Driving home

• 8:30pm - Dinner while watching a movie with my parents

• Conversation with a friend who was visiting Sydney

• 9pm - walk to Nan's house to help her take off her Compression Stockings

• 10pm - bedtime!

Sunday morning,

• 6am - Woke up without an alarm clock!

• 6:30am - arrived at the Georges River for a rowing race

• 7am - On the water as a coxswain/coach for my 70+ year old men's crew. These guys are amazing, they train hard, appreciate their health and the are prime examples of how teamwork can get help achieve results.

• 8:30am - Racing is underway...for 40mins, over 9.3km the guys pushed themselves both physically and mentally. My part was to steer, motivate and provide the tactics to navigate the turning tides and river corners.

• 9:30am - driving to the city

• 10:30am - blog post writing for the Early Links website

• 12pm - meeting number one with Fiona - while sitting in the powerhouse cafe

• 1:30pm - meeting number two with Liz - while sitting in another cafe

• 4pm - catch up with friends at The Entourage, Entrepreneur Development Centre

• 4:30pm - CAaPS Breathing reset session with Fiona in the park

• 4:30pm - meeting number three with Fiona - while driving home from the city

• 5:30pm - home for family dinner for my brother's birthday

• 8pm - phone call with a friend who's business is growing rapidly

• 9pm - complete content writing from earlier this weekend

• 10pm - bedtime

Now to share my learnings with you -

1. Being "busy" is an observation not an attitude

Previously, I thought that being busy was a bad thing. I believed that "being busy" was the same as "being too busy" which was an excuse for not getting the important and meaningful things done within the day. Or it was the phrase we all used when we were expected to do something we didn't really want to get done and therefore procrastination had set in.

Having shifted my thinking, being busy is an observation. It's about recognising that life is hectic and it can be a challenge to fit everything into one day. For everyone, this observation of being busy will look different, feel different and sound different. Be aware of this. But don't judge others on your observation of their level of "busy". This is when the attitude of being "too busy" can turn around and bite you, slow you down, make you feel unable to match other and ultimately, doubt yourself. Don't get caught up in this attitude... Completing a time-audit over a short period of time will help your to clearly see just how busy you are choosing to see yourself. I like being "busy" therefore my time-audit from the weekend is fairly detailed, but you might group your activities more broadly...and that's perfectly ok!!

Everyone is "busy", even you... This exercise is all about recognising and observing what "busy" looks like for you and breaking away from the attitude of comparing yourself to others. This is the first step in being able to add more productivity into your day without adding more "busy" into your life.

CLICK HERE - simple audit tool

2. Living with your "values" in thought does help

From the minute I (finally) realised my personal values and how they applied to each area of my life, my capacity to be productive has skyrocketed. My ability to make clear decisions has jumped and my willingness to get the important, yet not overly exciting things done, has taken a leap forward.

So, my personal values - Mentoring, Teaching, Inspired, Exploring

• Mentoring - asking the right question, at the right time, to help the right person find the right answer to their question

• Teaching - learning knowledge that's worth sharing

• Inspired - recognising the past and present experiences that help me grow

• Exploring - challenging my limits physically, mentally and emotionally to find myself

Putting these values into practice, testing them one by one has allowed me to grow parts of my business more organically, return to competitive rowing training with a more simple plan, and strengthen personal relationships. I started this process in December 2014 on a trip to Thailand, listening to the influential Jack Delosa talk about vision and finding life purpose and it will continue to evolve for years to come as I refine the way I implement the values into my day to day and the circles of influence I choose to live in.

Ok, so the way I got to realise my personal values was through a lot of journaling, a lot of thinking and by giving myself time to put these values to the test. But...all this has allowed me to reflect on the shortcut, which I can share with you!    

CLICK HERE - Get to know your personal values.

3. Regretting your choices only slows you down

There is a difference between a "fail-safe system" and "safe-fail support".

The first, is a way to avoid failure, avoid getting it wrong, and save yourself the experience of challenging the way you think. The second, provides you with the tools you need to feel safe within an experience of failure. It's my opinion that making mistakes is a vital part of learning and without this experience, we coast through life without truly knowing what it means to expand our thinking and develop more productivity in our day. One quote that I have loved and live by since reading it is “...be big enough to admit mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them.” John C Maxwell.

I often think that it would be so easy to plan to do less each day and spend longer planning how to complete each action. But each time I do this, I end up feeling less productive and achieving far less in the day. I have spent time over the years developing a mind-set where experiencing “failure” is just another reflection on ways to improve for the next attempt. This mind-set is the ‘safety’ aspect of making mistakes and it comes from having wonderful people surround me and a method of debriefing/reflecting which helps to turn “failure” into “learning”. It’s not that I don’t care if I get something wrong (in fact, the opposite is true if you talk to my colleagues/friends), but it just doesn’t play on my mind, doesn’t make me sad, doesn’t take my energy for the other activities I know I have planned for the day.  

CLICK HERE - “How-To... build safe-fail supports”

4. Reflect on the changes you make each day

This section has been influenced by Stewart Cook and Andrew Morello, two men who I have had the pleasure of meeting and in my opinion, represent what it is to be an entrepreneur. Andrew Morello takes well over 100 flights per year and mixes charity work with multiple business endeavours. Stewart has been the CEO of Zambrano's over the last 4 years and was instrumental in taking this company global. Both very "busy" men who, when talking to them, I believe, know their personal values, embrace "safe-fail" supports and both speak actively about the benefits of self-reflection in building yourself and the life you want to live.

I have been more active in the reflection process this year. It's been a confronting, challenging, eye-opening, worthwhile experience without a doubt. I have reflected on different aspects of my life; both personal growth and business development. Some nightly, or weekly, others more formally each month. The things I reflect in each night, help me to "pause" the entrepreneurial-thinking so I can actually fall asleep. The weekly reflections help me to appreciate and celebrate the changes I have made happen in the last 7-days, while also preparing myself for upcoming challenges. The other reflections each month are an hour long, dedicated to "brain-dumping" on whatever my thinking sticks on, it’s essentially a ramble of thought that eventually finds an ah-ha moment of clarity. Then there is the business related reflections each week/month/quarter that help acknowledge the successes, changes and challenges.

The questions I ask myself at each of these reflections are critical to helping draw out the knowledge that ultimately strengthens my productivity within my "busy" life.

CLICK HERE - make your own "my busy week" calendar.

The real learning I have come to understand about “Being Busy” throughout the process of writing this Blog post, is that TIME is the only thing on Earth we cannot replace once used. There is no more TIME to “find”, but rather we must “find” what is most important to us in each moment of each day... and do that.

The challenge that I am setting you today is to; complete each of the four (4) worksheets in the "Being Busy is Easy" package, send me the results then, book a FREE 30min catch up slot to really get the most out of your Busy-Life!!

It only takes one click to get started...

Click on the link and download your FREE  "Being Busy is Easy" starter pack

• Simple time-audit tool

• Get to know your personal values

• How-To build safe-fail supports

• "My busy week calendar"

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Click Here

Understanding Eye Contact - Neuroscience Explains

It was just last week when one of the kiddies I am working with made huge progress in his development. His Mum was thrilled that he had started to use more eye contact in his relationship and communication with her. In the 4 weeks before this, we had been working to integrate his retained primitive reflexes and to improve his self-regulation skills... what I was not expecting was so much improvement, so soon, with his eye contact and connection.

The neuroscience explanation of this change is fascinating…

I’ve put the following points together after reading the information which comes from the work of Linda Graham, (Marriage & Family Therapist) who practices in the States. Linda is passionate about integrating the paradigms and practices of modern neuroscience, Western relational psychology and Eastern contemplative practice to help people shift out of old patterns of response to life events. Linda has authored the book “Bouncing Back; Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being” which offers an insight into rewiring old patterns of response encoded in your neural circuitry and how to move into the five C’s of Coping: calm, clarity, connections to resources, competence, and courage. Linda first presented this information on The Neuroscience of Attachment at the Community Institute for Psychotherapy, Fall 2008.

The book has been reviewed by Greater Good Science Center & Berkeley Publishing - Read more

OK - so before we get into explaining eye contact, there are a few facts about the human brain that I need to share with you. These facts will help you understand and acknowledge just how complex the human brain is and the enormous influence our mind has on the brain and visa versa.

The Human brain is the most complex “machine” on the planet. It’s astonishing to think that….

• 90% of what we know about the Human brain was only discovered in the last 20 years.

• There is 100 trillion cells in 1.36 kgs

• Some brain cells fire between 10 – 100 times a second

The Human brain has been designed to generate new neurons when required. Even more impressive is that the brain can create new synapses (connections) between different areas of the brain when required. This is called Neural-Plasticity.

Thinking about a child with a learning difficulty - their brain is much like Sydney’s road network. Expanding with all the best intentions to cope with the fast income of people (information) but it’s messy and ultimately becomes slow in time of stress/pressure. When Occupational Therapists who use Neural-Plasticity to reorganise these structures in the brain it’s like sending the construction crew into Sydney CBD for over night works. Most of the changes happen in short/intense periods of time but the unsightly traffic diversions and barricades remain for a few weeks and cause more traffic chaos than usual… but once it’s all finished, the roads are smooth and the traffic flows faster with less accidents. I often explain Neural-Plasticity like this to parents so they expect and can plan for the “organised chaos” that will happen before we achieve our goals for organisation, sequencing, memory or planning skills.

Right - explaining eye contact, we are getting there. One more vital piece of information to help fit all the pieces of information together. It comes from a video by Rick Hansen from The Greater Good Science Center and talks about detailed Neuroscience relating to brain development.

Watch the Video. Really, watch the video - he explains it quite well in only 7 minutes.

Otherwise, here’s the dot-points…

• As the brain changes the mind changes - we can have a lasting change to our mind by training the body to be more outwardly coordinated. For example, when we improve coordination on the right side of the body, it leads to better organisation of the left brain. The left brain, particularly the prefrontal cortex is responsible for controlling/limiting our negative emotions. Therefore, if we can organise the right side of the body, we increase the accuracy of neural firing in the left brain which changes our ability to emotionally regulate.

• As the mind changes the brain changes - Even more impressive is that we can increase the size of each part of our brain with practice. We can also change the chemical makeup of our brains with practice. The Hippocampus is largely responsible for skills in spatial navigation, orientation, emotional regulation and long-term memory. When we practice mindfulness and find supports for our emotional regulation system we can increase the size of the Hippocampus and improve our ability to learn new skills for spatial awareness.  

• Use the mind to change the brain to change the mind - It’s the old saying “Neurons that fire together, wire together”. What that means is, our brain likes routine and patterns. The more we practice something; a skill or a thought, the more likely we are to revert to that behaviour as a default.

We have arrived. Understanding Eye Contact - Neuroscience explains

Knowing the Human body is the most complex “machine” on the planet, I’m now going to add that Human-interaction is the most complex task these “machines are required to complete”. It is our ability to connect socially and emotionally with each other that will drive our civilisation forward.

“The brain is a social organ, developed and changed in interactions with other brains” Linda Graham

Our need for human connection begins within minutes of life as we cry out while searching for nutrients. From the age of 12-18 months we are busy building the neural-circuitry and framework that will scaffold our relationship development for our whole life. This stage is sometimes referred to as “knowing without remembering”.

The most primitive structure within the brain, the one we share with other “unintelligent” creatures is the amygdala. A small almond shaped structure in our limbic system. Its primary job is “perception-appraisal-response”, it’s our 24/7 threat detector system that continues to work long after we are asleep. The amygdala is fed with hormones from the Hippocampus and generates the well known “Fight/Flight” response. This structure is also key to emotional reactions, emotional learning and implicit memory as the amygdala decides what information to send into the higher-cortical processing centres of the brain. It can react to a trigger in 200 milliseconds rather than the 3-5 seconds it takes for a cortical decision/response. This is why some children “lash out” at others, then looking surprised by their own actions, have little or no explanation - it’s a hypersensitivity of the amygdala.

Eye contact is hard wired into our brain stem. We seek it out within minutes of our birth and continue to seek it for emotional regulation and a sense of social connection throughout our life. Steven Porges wrote that “when there is eye contact and connection and then a sudden break in the eye contact, the rupture immediately triggers a “separation distress response” in our brain stem”.

When children find eye contact difficult to achieve or maintain, this theory suggests that higher cortical regulation is disrupted (or may not have developed) which places more emphasis on the amygdala to make decisions about threat. From our primal behaviours we look at other people’s mouths - “am I going to be eaten?”

The secure attachment that is achieved through eye contact is a wonderful experience when we can regulate through our higher cortical processing centres in the brain. It provides engagement, connection, acceptance and safety within social intelligence. When we are processing through the amygdala, this same attachment is overwhelming and therefore avoided.

Once this overwhelming feeling is experienced this theory of eye contact and attachment suggests that we react from a brain stem level which “gets down to a shame based survival strategy [and] we look down or away, hiding from the other”

What did I learn...

Our behaviour, when viewed through a lens of neurology, neuroscience and neural plasticity, is fascinating and extremely complex. I have come to appreciate the levels of brain function and the important role our social and emotional connection to others will play in our abilities to learn.

Within the brain of the little boy I was working with last week, I believe we shifted the physical (integrated primitive reflexes) which shifted the mind (more positive outlook) which then allowed the body to socially engage through eye contact because the threat triggers had reduced.

Overall - it’s so important to remember that each child develops at their own pace. Differences to their peers is not always an indication of lasting impairment but it does suggest that learning and developmental processes are currently requiring more effort and attention from your child. From everything we have discussed above, reducing the stress on the brain by supporting streamline neural development will assist your child to retain new information and lay-down lasting memories from their current experiences more completely. Supporting this process will also open their mind to emotional and social development, awareness of self and lasting friendships.

Smarter EveryDay posted this great video about riding the "Backwards Bike". It's just another wonderful example of our brain's ability to change our pre-established patterns and just how much we all rely on those same patterns to take the "thinking" out of our daily activities.

7 mins of very funny moments, cool neuroscience explanations and lots of bike falls...